Mad – Sad – Glad – Scared
You need to know that there are four basic emotions at hand; i.e, four basic fuels that contain the energy we need in order to move from one state toanother. Fear, anger, sadness, and happiness are the four basic emotions that can be experienced by every person in any culture. Just like the four basictastes: bitter, sweet, sour, and salty.
Fear, anger, and sadness are not necessarily negative. Like salty, bitter, and sour they can be quite good. Whether we like the taste of something is anentirely subjective matter. It depends on our experiences, our education, and the company that we’re in. Likewise, whether we experience change in apositive or negative manner also depends on our experiences, our education, and the company that we’re in. This is a very valuable insight, because itproves that emotions follow perception (and not the other way around).
Some Clarity
Now hang on, because this is where it gets interesting. There are three things you should know about emotions.
1. Perception is a choice. As a result, whatever feelings we experience are not an outside event but the result of our personal choice on how we perceive an outside event.It is the basic insight that is underlying one of the keypoints of the bestseller Fish!(*): Choose Your Attitude – Each day you choose how you are going to act or which "side of the bed" you wake up on. The choice is yours and, the way you act, affects others.
2. Emotions are fuel. Emotions provide the basic energy that is necessary to get anywhere from your current state.
3. Emotions are data. Once you are able to disconnect the emotion and read the valuable information that is hiding behind it, you will soon find out that there is a positive useof these emotions.
In the following paragraphs, let’s have a closer look at what this means for the feelings that trouble us most.
Anger—Clarity
When we are angry, we are often very aware of what we want or don’t want. This leads us to clarity about our objective and the objective of our team. Anger helps us to take decisions, to stay alert, and to stop confusion. There is a thin line between destructive anger and a vision that fuels achange. They both build on the same emotion but with a different sense of responsibility. When you allow frustrated people to find expression for theiranger and you genuinely receive their communication, ask them what you could do to improve.
Fear—Courage
When we are afraid, this means we are approaching unknown territory. New opportunities arise when we have the courage to take that direction. Fear often works as an indicator towards dangers, but also towards new opportunities. Often, the most frightened people are the closest to building the courage to deal with the unknown. Courage builds on the same emotion that can freak us out. Surprisingly, when you allow frightened people to put their anxiety into words, they tend to make room for courage to meet the challenges they are facing.
Sadness—Contact
The essence of each relationship is contact. The measure in which we are in contact depends on the empathy and the self-confidence that we have.Cynicism, for instance, is a hidden form of sadness. Cynical people often are very good at sensing which relations are being left behind in a change project. Again, there is thin line between cynical reactions and emotional intelligence. The underlying emotion is the same. Although cynical people aretough, they also know exactly who is left out. When they see the purpose behind the change, they may even be the best relationship builders.
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(*) Fish! A Remarkable Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results by Stephen C. Lundin, Harry Paul, John Christensen. ISBN: 0786866020
