Quality Time is a Lie

April 26, 2009 - Luc Galoppin

Crushed by the sadness of an illusion that evaporates. Quality time is a lie. And everything else that is based on this idea is falling apart.

Coming home from a hard day or a tough week at work I used to say to myself: ‘from now on it’s quality time’. Quality time is a time-slot dedicated to high quality. Instant happiness; no place for weak moments. And since this seems to work for everyone else, instant happiness is the norm. So if it doesn’t work out you are not OK or your family is not OK. Welcome to frustration station.

Instant Happiness… NOT!

Quality time is top of the pops in the category ‘Happy life – the way it should work out’. Pretty stigmatizing – so shut up and don’t you dare to question it.

The truth is that I was surprised to find that work, work, work and then – quick snap – quality time doesn’t work out that well. First of all it puts a tremendous pressure on the time-slot with significant others. All of a sudden unwinding is not allowed. Second, it does not take a genius to figure out that the stress and exhaustion  of work, work, work do not lead to the kindness and sensitivity of so-called quality-time.

Before the joy of quality time can appear we need to unwind, be tired, be bored, find our place in the family setting, argue and work our way in. But we refuse to do so – because it eats up the precious time-slot. So we find ourselves in a strange, tense and phony situation.

Quantity Time

The solution is not Prozac or cocaine. The solution is quantity time. Yes – work, work, work at work and then: work, work, work on a different level: trusting oneself, finding an emotional balance and taking care of oneself. Your significant others need quantity time – and you do too! A fixed time-slot and high expectations are the last thing you need if you want that to occur.

By the way, did you note that when it comes to balancing the human factors at work,  measurements and KPI’s are the best recipe for failure?

So let’s redefine quality time as a moment we set apart at work. Quality time for an issue we all agree is critical. Quality time for a problem that is worth waiting for until all stakeholders have shared their concerns. Quality time as a strategic instrument.

Please let us stop confusing this term with moments that simply stop existing once you measure them on a time-scale and benchmark on unrealistic expectations. Let’s be professional during work and let’s be ourselves at home.

Related articles:
Parenting as a Management Skill … Huh? (part 4) – March 1st, 2009
Parenting as a Management Skill … Huh? (part 3) – February 21st, 2009
Parenting as a Management Skill … Huh? (part 2) – February 16th, 2009
Parenting as a Management Skill … Huh? (part 1) – February 9th, 2009
Dump your Blackberry and get a life! – September 9th, 2007

  • Nice one Luc. You write in an engaging and amusing way, managing to squeeze in practical advice along the way. Keep it up.

    Along similar lines…I gave my colleagues five minutes off the other day. Suggested what they could do with the first 180 seconds and gave them the remaining 120 as free time. Ain’t I generous! It was a fun experiment and it connected to a piece of continuous improvement I run called what’s the least I can do today to have a positive impact?

    Try having a think and do about that and perhaps see how we can get on developing some ideas.

  • Nice one Luc. You write in an engaging and amusing way, managing to squeeze in practical advice along the way. Keep it up.

    Along similar lines…I gave my colleagues five minutes off the other day. Suggested what they could do with the first 180 seconds and gave them the remaining 120 as free time. Ain’t I generous! It was a fun experiment and it connected to a piece of continuous improvement I run called what’s the least I can do today to have a positive impact?

    Try having a think and do about that and perhaps see how we can get on developing some ideas.

  • Luc Galoppin

    Thanks Doug!

    The 180 sec timeframe you refer to is indeed a quality slot which is work related and which we should define as ‘quality time’ (in the true sense of the word!).

    Healthy-time-frame-pressure is indeed a catalyst for continuous improvement.

    On the other hand, my point is that this practice belongs to the workplace and that we should leave it there.

    Luc.

  • Luc Galoppin

    Thanks Doug!

    The 180 sec timeframe you refer to is indeed a quality slot which is work related and which we should define as ‘quality time’ (in the true sense of the word!).

    Healthy-time-frame-pressure is indeed a catalyst for continuous improvement.

    On the other hand, my point is that this practice belongs to the workplace and that we should leave it there.

    Luc.

  • Have you seen that great YouTube comedy sketch about men’s minds having separate boxes for each matter while women’s minds wire everything together. His closer was men love to go to their nothing box, which drives women crazy! So maybe we need our caves, but Quality Time at work or home (and that should include meal time without the TV) needs listening actively, appreciating, involving, informing and challenging. Engaging. One of the twelve statements people usually agree to in productive orgs, according to the enormus Gallup Study, is “My supervisor or somebody at work cares about me as a person.” Our ex-President got so busy he couldn’t stop and be friendly for any time at all. Quality Time can be just a single minute showing we care.

  • Have you seen that great YouTube comedy sketch about men’s minds having separate boxes for each matter while women’s minds wire everything together. His closer was men love to go to their nothing box, which drives women crazy! So maybe we need our caves, but Quality Time at work or home (and that should include meal time without the TV) needs listening actively, appreciating, involving, informing and challenging. Engaging. One of the twelve statements people usually agree to in productive orgs, according to the enormus Gallup Study, is “My supervisor or somebody at work cares about me as a person.” Our ex-President got so busy he couldn’t stop and be friendly for any time at all. Quality Time can be just a single minute showing we care.

  • Luc Galoppin

    Hi Glen, I agree with your statement "Quality Time can be just a single minute showing we care." and the reference you make to the Gallup study. Sometimes we make things too complicated! Luc.

  • Luc Galoppin

    Hi Glen, I agree with your statement "Quality Time can be just a single minute showing we care." and the reference you make to the Gallup study. Sometimes we make things too complicated! Luc.