Some Mails are Better Never Sent (Part 2)

It was only after I scrolled down in his reply to my own original email that I realized the damage I had done. I am a jerk. And now it’s almost midnight, so calling is not an option.

Bear with me, because ‘Mr. Communication’ is about to reveal a true story and it isn’t a schoolbook example.

Earlier last week I made it clear to Peter (not his real name) that I was not comfortable with the teasers he was sending me regarding our next teambuilding activity. It seemed to me that he was transforming our original plan of visiting a religious sanctuary into a murderer game by asking me to bring mysterious attributes and solving weird questions.

The Panic

Last time I was asked to do weird things like that was during a two year intensive course on transactional analysis involving the deeper levels of group therapy. I was not up for that and this went way beyond our original plan. What was this guy up to? All of my sensors went in red alert.

So I decided to ask him. Or rather: tell him. Because after a night of sleep – during which I could reiterate the panic and wind up some more – I decided to put it all in an email. Yep. An email.

The Solution – Or So I Thought

And it felt better. The panic was out of my system. I could breathe better and the fact that I twisted in some Monday-morning-blues and rush-of-the-workweek didn’t bother me. A bit of slam-poetry can only make things clearer.

I ended the email with the words: “Not with me and not now! And now up to you!“, convinced that he would be as tolerant and feel as light-hearted about it as I did AFTER hitting the Send button.

The Wakeup Mail

Days went by and I even forgot about the email. Until I checked the mailbox one night after coming home late, to find a crushed soul at the other end of the digital line. His response ended with: “Not sure I know what this is all about. But if you want to step out that is OK with me”.

Huh? I didn’t mean to do that! And to justify and rationalize my original intent I scrolled down to read my original email and convince myself. O MY GOD. Did I write that? Like that? I am such a jerk. And now it’s almost midnight, so calling is not an option.

The Best Part

Or: ‘Why this is so embarrassing‘

In my own trainings (see slideshow) I teach professionals that email is silver and phone calls are golden.

Truly a golden rule. One you should never forget. Thank you Mr. Communication… Now walk your talk!

Eventually I did call Peter and we straightened things out. I had the chance to acknowledge the damage done; to apologize and to get back to my original intent: simply to ask him what this was leading to.

Fortunately Peter is a few generations more mature than me and he was kind enough to course-correct and accept my apologies. He called me ‘over-assertive’; a very polite way of stating the facts.

My Own Private Refresher Course

I remember one other mail in my Inbox with the title ‘Have an Average Day’ – by Michael Neill, a remarkable coach I have been following for quite some years. I also remember thrashing that email with the same rush-of-the-workweek adrenalin that I was going to put into my email to Peter.

Now I know that I should have taken that advice and to take the day off from striving and struggling for success – and have a wonderfully average day instead…

Here is how I could have translated that advice instantly: Exceptional emails are silver, but average phone calls are golden.
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Related article: Some Mails are Better Never Sent – November 29th, 2007